literature

For You: A BBC Sherlock fanfiction

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scarlettwriter11's avatar
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Literature Text

        It matters not why I did it. It doesn't even matter that what I am setting out to achieve is for his own good. Because his expression at that exact moment, pain-stricken, tortured, unstable, and alone, standing in front of my grave, makes me doubt my actions and intentions.

Alone. He shouldn't have to be alone. John certainly deserves better than alone. Much better. Yet here I stand, hiding in the shadows, unable to console my one and only friend. In a way, I am just as vile and twisted as my spidery rival, lurking, never soiling his hands, nevertheless leaving the greatest impact. I cannot afford to get my hands dirty trying to comfort the mess of a man whom I have left so very alone. And I despise myself for that. John deserves much better than this.

Still, there he stands, his face a hard mask to conceal the evident anguish. Yes, his pain is apparent, despite his efforts. His posture and movements are clear indicators that he is struggling with the conflicted emotions of my supposed death. Emotions that are hardly understandable to me.

In my time spent with John, I noticed a definite change in his demeanor and outlook since our first encounter, and I cannot determine if this was a direct result of my own companionship or not. I thought, perhaps, at one point, before all this madness, that I had influenced this man. That I had made him better in a sense, intellectually and character wise. My vanity and self-assurance planted this thought in my mind and blinded me from that fact that it was so much more than that.

John had changed. That much was certain. But I was too busy analyzing him and everyone around me that I did not see the unmistakable change in myself.

How obvious it was, and how foolish of me to overlook the cause of this change; John. John, with his loyalty and compassion. John, so steadfast and patient, even now, visibly hurt and betrayed by my actions, standing before my grave and touching my headstone, firm disbelief upon his countenance. This man, this average, exceptional man had changed me in a way that no other human being had.

And I missed it.

I had missed the greatest detail of all, the final piece in the puzzle that made up my very being.

John.

All this now reminds me of why my actions were necessary. Why it is essential to keep John in the dark. So as to protect him. To make sure no one else will hurt him again, even myself. He may be in pain now, he may struggle with and fight each and every day, but it will be for the best. I know it will. It has to. For John. For the only person who never once since the beginning wavered from my side. Who never doubted my authenticity, even when I myself had. For the only person in my shallow life who still believed in Sherlock Holmes.

For you John, I promise to right the wrong, and redeem all that you think to be lost. I promise John, for you and for you alone.

I promise.

-SH
This is my first attempt at fanfiction based on the BBC's show Sherlock. I really never thought I would be able to write from Sherlock's POV, but, here I am. So please, tell me what you think and how I might improve. Thank you!
Oh, and, this is post-Reichenbach, so, SPOILER ALERT.
I do not own BBC Sherlock.
Comments5
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SizzleLizzle's avatar
I want to cry right now. But there's 2 other people in the room. This is incredibly accurate from Sherlock's point of view and truly heartbreaking/touching. :heart: You did a wonderful job here...